Hi, so past few months, I’m in a bit of pain, sorry a lot of pain, nine months to be precise. It has been a huge roller coaster from trying out new doctors ( I hate going to doctors, especially new ones ) to lying all day in bed, to crying about it, trying to cope up, forget about the pain and try to be as much happy as I possibly can.
From one joint Doctor in Chennai, another joint Specialist again in Chennai, then an Ortho Doctor here in Pune, Physiotherapist, then an Ayurvedic, a Homeopathic, a Yoga Guru and finally an Ayurvedic guy. It’s like I’ve seen them all! And I can be a Doctor now, myself! Psch!
The Homeo + Yoga + the new Ayurveda is what’s helping a little bit right now, but anyway, in this journey of switching doctors for about 9 months I did discover Healer Baskar on TV and I’m so grateful. He is one hilarious guy but with proper knowledge of living a beautiful, pain-free and medicine free life. So one point he always mentions in all different ways possible is that
“listen to what your body is telling you, and act accordingly”,
upon hearing this for the first time it seemed to be such a simple task, but when I tried, I failed, negative marks to be honest!
But seriously, how do you listen to your body!? Does it have an office!? Should I get an appointment!? Does it speak to me in a special language!? Just how!??
Jokes apart, I realized that I am the body, we aren’t two different things, we are one, and so whatever I do or think it affects myself. Thus I’m trying as hard as I possibly can to stay positive about the pain, think of it in a good perspective like
“if not for this, I wouldn’t have taken a break and would have worsened my health, I would not be able to spend so much time with Amma, Appa, and Samyuktha. I wouldn’t be able to eat Amma’s food all day, I wouldn’t have found healer Baskar, I wouldn’t be so concerned about politics and what’s happening in my country and blah blah blah “,
but whenever the pain hits I change into a completely different person,
“Oh! I cannot do this, oh! I can’t bear this pain, oh! Get me the painkiller (that will probably damage my liver and kidney), oh! Someone please just cut my leg off! Oh! Will it be like this all my life!? oh! Will I not be able to achieve my dreams! OHHHHH! ”
It’s like a war between my positive thoughts and my ego, and my head just blasts sometimes! How do I control all these emotions, and if I stick to such wars, it’s gonna affect myself, my body. What should I do??
But, there’s a but!
I go to the new Ayurveda Doctor 4 days a week so that they can poke needles (acupuncture, and it does kinda feel better.)
It’s a very small clinic but hundred come there every day,
1. Old people with knee pain, joint pain, and frozen shoulder.
2. A bit mentally disturbed kids, brain malfunctioning of sorts, it’s so disturbing because they are not even able to control themselves, not even a simple hand moment while walking.
I feel so bad looking at them, questioning God as to why he has to trouble them so much! They are just kids after all, for a normal kid to grow up, pass through teenage and go out into this world is a huge difficulty, so in that case imagine the lifestyle difficulties of these kids, especially in a country like India!
But then I look at their parents, the belief that they have in their child and in doctors.
There’s this one girl who particularly opened my eye, I had hardly seen her thrice maybe while waiting for my token number, she’s usually wearing a black kurta, comes with her Father. She has Strabismus (eyeballs pointing in different directions) and is also a bit mentally disturbed I guess, her father has to always hold on to her so she won’t fall, cannot control her movements. The other day I saw her leaving, it was such a difficult task for her dad to hold on to her and start the bike simultaneously, and after he sat, somehow working his hands towards her pulling her closer to the bike, asking her to rise and sit and hold on to him. This particular moment struck me so much emotionally but the next moment itself my mood was on cloud nine when she started laughing at it, thinking of it just as a small hurdle and waved bye to me, who was looking at her all this time, with so much happiness on her face, I was so shocked and happy and waved back!
This moment was the most emotional revealing I have had so far, she’s a bit mentally and physically affected, she can’t walk on her own, she is probably gonna pass through puberty soon and not gonna understand what is happening to her and her body, but beyond all these, managed to laugh with all her heart and waved to me, a stranger, “bye”.
Life is as simple as that, we humans are the ones who complicate it, so from that moment onwards, whenever I lost hope in myself, the doctor, or his treatment or anything else for that matter I’m trying to tell myself to believe, believe in myself my body and also have belief in others and that things will slowly work out, it will take its own time, but it will work out!
Life is only about the little things, and I must learn to enjoy them.
I believe that my body has a healer within itself and if I give it some time to rest, it will definitely recover to its best self.
Since this morning I’m having continuous frustrating, irritating pain, and my ego started its thoughts again, but hey, I’m gonna fight, I’m gonna fight so hard and make my positive thoughts win, and I’m gonna fight so hard that the pain will get the hell out of my body and bring heaven and balance back!
That girl in the black kurta is gonna help me do it!